What hurts the most is to see when she is hurt most and I can’t do anything to help her heal the pain. Instead, all I can do is tell or do stuffs to make her distracted and not think about it. I’m so sorry sis!

You can never assure doing one thing could make everything better, everything has got it’s ups and downs. I’d say no solution in the world holds a perfect outcome. No matter how you try to come up with a solution for a problem, the first problem may be solved but a new one comes up due to the actions taken in order to solve the first problem. For eg, scientists try to improve our lives by modernizing the whole world by improving technology, we may live in a more so called luxurious life but do we know what we have done to our lives? our homes? We become lazier, yet we fucked the world up just to make our lives easier.

What I’m trying to say is, when there’s a problem, no matter socially, financially or whatsoever. Do not think you can slowly solve the problem and make everyone feel better. Because I myself had made the biggest mistake of over-estimating my own capability and try and solve ones relationship. And guess what, I may make them feel better on that instance but later there’d be more problems between their relationship by taking 40% of my comforting words into account and 60% of their own thoughts and thats what fucks everything up. When they start getting confused between what they really want and what is right.. And with that being occurred I thought I’d fixed things up by explaining what is right eventhough it’d hurt her and she started going psycho about it. And I’m left so confused without knowing what to do. Anyway, I’m not blaming her or anything, I’m just blaming myself for being the physically so-called Mr.Nice guy but in fact I most prolly am the one who lits up the fire to this hazard.

Alright, these prolly have no basis in facts.. Whatever, I’ve no clue what I’ve just written, its prolly the whiskey thats doing the work. hah! peace!

我不知道我這樣做是對還是錯。我只是想看你開心點沒想到我把你一生人搞到一塌糊塗。雖然你可以裝的很開心，不想我替你擔心，可是我越看你這樣裝我會更難過。對不起！

Recently everyone’s relationship has been getting so messed up that almost everyone that I’d meet up often are struggling through these emotional times. And those who are not in a relationship will do their job in convincing and comforting one half of the strugglers by giving personal advices through their previous experiences.

I personally grew up with friends elder than me, though my age may be a major difference, but I sure have hell lotta maturity than majority of the kids of my age. Nevertheless, lately since I joined MTC, the friends search all start all over again and well.. as usual friends older than me. So basically trying to tell “new” friends you are mature, and you growing up with friends older than yourself. For some they may believe, but most of them aren’t convinced enough about my childhood. Anyway, back to the relationship issue parts. So well, I know what they’ve been going through and understands. So I myself too with my experience and putting myself in their situation, tried my best to give some reasonable yet comforting advices to my friends. They might agree to my point and all. But at the end of the day, I’d still be a immature young kid to them. I know they didn’t tell me about it and all, but I know for them these differences in age could somehow bring suspicions to my words. Its sad(yes I know), but what could I do? I’m born on 1992.. I can’t go change my DOB. Right? So well they say “Patience is a virtue”. So I’d just stick with this thought and live on happily I guess. hah!

But still I gotta say this. You guys do have relationship problems. You guys do have sad moments, angry moments, etc. And I’d always do my very best to always keep that smile on your face. And don’t you ever think, even though I’m half a decade younger than you guys, don’t I have these problems too? Don’t I have sentimental moments too? Don’t I sometimes have the need of someone to lean on or at least be my listener? Seriously, you may think I’m young, inexperienced, and all shits. But you know, I do have my bad moments you know. And only if someone knows what I’m going through. And only if someone gives me the opportunity to say how I felt. But yeah, I’m not mature enough to have at least a sincere listener, cause well I’m just a kid, nobody cares. You may think I’m thinking way too much, but think about it, since when do y’all actually fully trust me and not neglect me in those serious, substantial times. Although “Mr.A” has been regarded as an asshole to all of you for doing all those ruthless shits. At least he still listen to me yet trust me in those substantial moments.

Aight, that’s quite enough of ranting for tonight. I’m out. Peace out!

I was planning to go back to Brunei for a visit and enjoy my Chinese New Year for this current winter-vacation. However, I’ve got so many things queued up undone lately. And I’ve still wasting my time leisurely without bothering em. So I guess, even if I start doing em, I wouldn’t have time for a lil bit of preparation for my upcoming semester which is expected to be harsh on the same amount of syllabus as the previous semester and with lesser time provided till the exams starts to roll again. So basically, like I’ve mentioned there is so much to do in this vacation. I feel sorry for all my homies back in Brunei, I’d love to visit you guys, but *bummer* just not this time.. Most prolly on my summer vacation, that is if I get reasonable grades. hah! ciao!